Maximum Ride and the Four BirdKids
by Jelly Princess
Summary: Snow White and the Seven Dwarves, Maximum Ride style! Brigid is an evil queen, Dylan is the Hunstman, and there's a considerable lack of poisonous apples. How could it get any better? R&R!


**Another fairy-tale parody?!**

**Yeah. They're fun.**

**Anyways...**

**I'm writing this in script format like I wrote Maximum Cinderella Story. **

**Why?**

**It's easier.**

**DIIIISCLAIMER: I don't own Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. I don't own Maximum Ride. Because last time I checked, I was a crazy teenage girl, not an old man-author.**

* * *

Narrator: Once upon a time, in a sorta-magical land in a place that's not very far away, depending on where you live in the world, a woman named Valencia Martinez and a man named Jeb had a baby daughter. Her name was Max. But Valencia died, and Jeb, being a sex-deprived old man, married a self-proclaimed Queen named Brigid.

Jeb: Brigid, will you marry me?

Brigid: Ew. You're old. Heck, you have a ton of money, so sure! I'll just poison you so you can die, anyways...

Jeb: ...I have a baby daughter.

Brigid: On second thought, I'll wait until the kid is old enough to take care of herself, then I'll kill you.

Narrator: Years past. Baby Max grew into a badass girl with wings, while Jeb got older and older and older. Eventually he just died of old age. Brigid was happy for the most part. After all, she got all of Jeb's possessions, which included a mirror that talked to her (even evil queens get lonely) and a bunch of money.

Brigid: Hey, mirror!

Mirror: ...*glare*

Brigid: Y U NO TALK TO ME

Mirror: Because you stole me from my rightful owner!

Brigid: Who happens to be dead.

Mirror: ...Carry on.

Brigid: Mirror, who's the most badass in the land?

Mirror: Oh, um, er, you. I guess.

Brigid: YAY! *does happy dance*

Narrator: But as Max got older, Brigid's 'badassness' became in danger.

Brigid: Mirror, who's the most badass in the land?

Mirror: Oh, erm, uh, well.

Brigid: ...MIRROR?

Mirror: Well, uh, you're pretty badass, I guess, but why not try prettiest?

Brigid: I WANNA BE THE MOST BADASS.

Mirror: *sigh* Well, I tried to take it easy on you, so don't blame it on me. But... Max is more badass than you.

Brigid: What? That silly little child? I'm an evil scientist! And queen! That is _so_ badass!

Mirror: Yes, well, Max has wings. And always has witty remarks. That's really in these days.

Brigid: UGH! I MUST DO SOMETHING!

Narrator: So Brigid called on her most trusted advisor, Dylan.

Total: What am I supposed to do, m'lady?

Brigid: Just get rid of Max, okay? Kill her! BRING ME HER HEAD!

Narrator: But Dylan was desperately in love with Max. He was determined to save her.

Dylan: Hey, Max-

Max: Shut up, Dylan.

Dylan: Max-

Max: *exasperated sigh* Dylan, what do you want?

Dylan: Brigid is out to kill you.

Max: I know. She always has been. Hateful stepmother.

Dylan: No, I mean, like, really.

Max: So...?

Dylan: There are four bird-kids like you that live in an E-Shaped house a few days away from here. Run away and stay with them! You'll survive! Save yourself. Leave me here, my love.

Max: *shrug* Got nothing better to do... *flies off*

Dylan: *insert forever alone face here*

Brigid: Dylan, have you killed her yet? Where's that head?

Dylan: Oh, er... *grabs random Jack-O-Lantern* Here, my lady!

Brigid: Yeah, that's her. I'm the most badass in the land now!

Mirror: ...Believe what you want.

Brigid: YAY!

-Meanwhile, at the E-Shaped house-

Max: *walks into house without second thought* Hello?

Nudge: *jumps out from behind couch* HI!

Max: WHAT THE-

Angel: *pops down from ceiling* What's up, Max?

Max: How do you-

Gazzy: *farts*

Max: Oh god. *gags*

Iggy: Hey, erm, Angel. What does this girl look like?

Angel: All right, she's a bird-kid like us, and she has this hair, and these eyes- oh, forget it. Here's a mental image, Iggy.

Max: ...I am so confused.

Nudge: :D You get to live with us now!

Max: ...Thanks?

Iggy: Don't worry, we're cool. Most of the time. *snickers*

Gazzy: *snickers along*

Angel, Nudge, Gazzy and Iggy: *bursts into laughter*

Max: Ohhh-kay then...

-back at Brigid's 'castle'-

Brigid: MIRROR! Who's the most badass in the land?

Mirror: It's still Max, hun.

Brigid: WHAT?! But she's dead! Look! *holds up Jack-O-Lantern*

Mirror: ...That's a pumpkin, Brigid...

Brigid: Huh. No wonder Max is so hideous. I mean, what kinda Prince would fall for that girl? Anyways, where is Max now?

Mirror: In an E-Shaped house. With four other bird-kids.

Brigid: Dang. Okay, I'm gonna go kill her myself! *saunters off*

Mirror: *sigh* Queens these days...

-back at the E-Shaped house-

Iggy: OKAY, FOOD'S READY!

Max: FOOD! *scrambles for kitchen*

Angel: FOOD! *scrambles after Max*

Nudge: FOOD FOOD FOOD! *scrambles after Angel*

Gazzy: FOOOOOOD! *sprints into kitchen*

-doorbell rings-

Max: *halfway through her pizza* Eh, visitors can wait. *continues eating*

Angel: Oh, Max. It's Brigid. She's trying to kill you.

Max: *sigh* Damn. This pizza was pretty good... Well, better go push her off a cliff or something.

Brigid: *rings doorbell again*

Max: *opens door* CATCH ME IF YOU CAN! *runs off*

Brigid: What- ARGH! *runs after Max*

Max: *flies up and circles down behind Brigid, then pushes Brigid off cliff*

Brigid: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-

Max: Hey, check it out! Brigid Splatter Art!

Fang: *comes out of nowhere* Ooh, nice.

Max: What the- where in the blazes did you come from?

Fang: *shrugged* Jumped out of the plot hole.

Max: You weren't in the plot hole to begin with.

Fang: Do not question the logic of plot holes.

Max: *shrugs* Okay.

Fang: So, wanna fly dramatically into the sunset with me?

Max: Sure, why not?

-Fang and Max fly dramatically into sunset-

**THE END.**

* * *

***wipes tear* So beautiful...**

**YEAH!**

**Anyways, so, did you like it? Did you hate it? Did it make no sense at all?**

**OR ALL OF THE ABOVE? *dramatic stare***

**Whether you think it's weird or awesome...**

**R&R!**


End file.
